Pause Button
by skygirl55
Summary: Picks up immediately after the end of 4x11 - Ryan's wedding. What if, for just one night, Kate Beckett needed an escape from her own life-an escape named Richard Castle.


_This one-shot picks up at the very end of 4x11 - Til Death Do Us Part._

* * *

Being each other's "plus one" turned out to be a fantastic idea. They sat together during the wedding, so close on the crowded church pews that their thighs and arms were continually touching, not that either of them minded. During a particularly poignant portion of the vows, Castle passed his companion a handkerchief embroidered with his initials so she could dab the tears from her cheeks. She attempted to pass it back, but he shook his head and mouthed "keep it" so she tucked it in her purse, thinking it was for the best; there was a high likelihood of her needing it during the toasts later that evening.

After the ceremony, the two of them walked the short distance to a nearby hotel where the reception was being held. During cocktail hour they chatted with Lanie, Esposito and their respective dates. Through an unspoken force they stuck together, side-by-side, as they traversed the room picking at the appetizers and discussing the questionable combination of flavors in the couple's signature drink.

Once in the reception area, Beckett took the empty seat beside Castle at the table with their coworkers from the twelfth, never been more grateful that she was not exiled to the "singles table." While she would not have been as miserable there as Castle (From his description, he viewed such a seat akin to one in an executioners chamber. Then again, she mused, being a homicide detective at the singles table and being a world famous writer at the singles table probably resulted in two very different experiences.), she was glad to be with her coworkers.

For the first half of the night Castle and Beckett laughed, danced, and ate their way through the event. They partied with the happy couple, Castle insisting he needed to steal the bride for a dance and Beckett taking a turn with each of her fellow homicide detectives. When the writer excused himself to the restroom, Beckett wandered her way over to the remaining refreshments table for a cup of water.

Standing there watching Kevin and Jenny's wedding guests mingling, laughing and dancing together she could not help but feel the tiniest bit sad. She was having a great evening, a truly great evening, but that was actually the problem.

Things with Castle were…complicated, to say the least. They were in a good place, or so she thought. They hadn't really talked (though, realistically, when had they ever?) but she believed he understood. Believed he knew she needed time to work on herself before they could be together—really together. But keeping him at arm's length was growing more and more difficult.

Talking with him, dancing and laughing with him—it was all so easy. So, incredibly easy. Natural. Things she did without even a second though. Yet, this was just one night—one moment in her life. The thought of getting serious with Castle, accepting his love and loving him back, still terrified her. She knew she still needed more time with Dr. Burke before she would be in that place, but god if she didn't want it.

Nights like that one frustrated her the most. "See, I can do this; I can be normal!" her brain tried to tell her, but that wasn't reality. That was just heat of the moment (plus the champagne). Watching everyone around her so free she wanted more than anything to escape her own uncertain brain—just for the night. A break. A vacation. A pause. But…was that even possible?

* * *

"Hey there you are." Castle smiled as he slid into the chair beside his partner. She sat in her dinner seat, alone at the table, a nearly empty wine glass sitting between her hands. On his way back from the restroom he had been intercepted by several of Jenny's family members wishing to speak with him about his books. He, of course, never turned down an opportunity to chat with a fan, and thus had actually been gone nearly half an hour by the time he returned to the dance floor. Upon arrival, he realized Kate was not where he left her and had thus begun his search. "I was looking for you. Are—oh, are you okay?" he asked upon observation of her less than joyous expression.

She gave him a casual smile. "Just needed a dancing break."

The writer bobbed his head. "Sure of course. That's a lot more cardio than I'm used to, but hey at least I got my exercise in for the weekend, right?" Despite his joke, her smile disappeared and she took a sip of her wine, nearly emptying the glass. "Kate?" he finally questioned, wondering why she suddenly seemed so sullen.

Staring at the goblet between her hands, Beckett asked rhetorically, "Did you ever want a break from your life for one night? Forget the stress, the fears, the anxiety—forget all of it and just…be free; have fun. Live in the moment. Have a night where there were no consequences, no ramifications. Where you could just…hit a pause button on reality?"

When she finally looked up at him, Castle involuntarily swallowed. He was not entirely sure where their conversation was going, but he was afraid to hope too hard it was going the direction he suspected it may be. "Well, I, ah," he cleared his throat before continuing, "I think we all feel that way from time to time. There's no shame in letting your hair down, Kate. You were doing a pretty good job of that on the dance floor earlier."

She shook her head softly. "That was fun, but that's not exactly what I'm talking about."

 _Nikki Heat_ flashed into his mind when her smoldering gaze hit his. Castle sucked in a breath and attempted to get control of the tingling sensations traveling southward down his spine. Jesus Christ if she wasn't the sexiest thing he had ever seen in that exact moment. But could it be? Was it even possible? He wanted to go down that road with her—good god, did he want it—but once they did…well, there'd be no coming back, that was for sure.

"You mean, ah, what I think I'm hearing," he began, his voice delicate as though it alone was talking her through disarming a nuclear bomb, "is…is that you want me to get us a room?" He fought ending his statement on a cringe with every fiber of his being. If he was wrong—dear god, if he was wrong—he could easily have ruined what steps forward they'd taken over the prior few months.

Her gaze never left his, though her hand dipped down into her lap, retrieved an object and placed it on the table between them. "I'm saying I already did."

Castle tore his gaze from hers to spot the hotel key card lying on the white linen tablecloth. Oh god. Oh god. She was serious. She was absolutely one hundred percent serious. And…who the hell was he to turn her down?

Not saying a word, Castle picked up the key card and stood from the table. With the key in his left hand, he held out his right to her. With a small smile, she took it and used it to hoist herself from her seat before they walked hand-in-hand out of the ballroom.

Castle's body hummed with anticipation as he led the way through the hallway back to the hotel's main lobby where the elevators were located. Elevators that would take them to the hotel rooms. A hotel room in which he and Kate would finally… God, he had to get himself in check or he wasn't going to make it too the room. "Uh, floor?" he asked as they stepped on into the car.

"Fifteen. Fifteen-twenty is the room," she informed him softly.

Castle bobbed his head and pressed the correct numeric key and then the elevator door close button in the hopes they'd have the car to themselves. Unfortunately, this plan backfired when another couple jumped on just before the doors were about to seal. They chose floor seventeen, which he felt was for the best. As long as they were in public, he couldn't rip the dress right off her like part of his brain was contemplating.

As they rode in silence, Beckett gripped his right hand with both of hers and leaned her body against his arm. At this couple-esque move, Castle couldn't help but lean his head down and press his cheek against her brow. Shutting his eyes, he took a deep breath and steeled himself for the walk down the hallway to the twentieth room. It could not possibly have been that far, but he knew for him it would feel like walking the distance of a marathon; it would take all he had not to sprint.

When they exited the car, he used the sign on the wall to direct them towards the left side of the hallway and found that, mercifully, their room was not all that far down. His body humming so much he could barely pull the keycard from his pocket, he took a deep breath, focused, and pushed the card in the lock. Before he could pull it out again, her slender fingers closed around his wrist. "Wait."

It took all Castle's strength not to curse aloud. He knew this was too good to be true! Of course Kate Beckett wasn't going to have sex with him this easily!

She slid in front of him, placing herself against the door and gazed upwards. "Just to be clear," she began, "everything that happens tonight is part of the pause. We're not going to talk about it, analyze it or use it against each other later on. If you don't agree then let's stop this now."

Part of him knew this was a terrible idea. A terrible idea that had "You will get hurt" written all over it, but he couldn't stop them. He had to have her, if only for that one night. "I agree but, just out of curiosity, what do you plan on doing to me in there, Kate?"

She smiled wickedly at him before using her hand on his wrist to pull the keycard out of the lock and open the hotel room door. Fortunately, the light was already on inside and she wasted no time slamming her companion against the nearest wall and pouncing her lips on his. He moaned instantly against her which only fueled her more. She opened her mouth, grazing her tongue against his lips, seeking entry only to capture his bottom lip with her teeth the moment it was granted.

"Jesus, Kate," he groaned as his hands found her hips. Using what limited brain power he still possessed, he managed to press her forwards into the opposite wall and reverse their position, pinning her with his hands firmly in place, their tongues eagerly gliding together.

While his fingertips skimmed her backside, Kate made quick work of Castle's tie, sliding it off and giving it a toss. She did the same with his blazer a moment later. When her hands moved to his belt, Castle chuckled and took a half step back from her. "A little eager, are we?"

She merely shrugged and used the loosened ends of his belt to pull him towards the king-sized bed. "I haven't since I was shot."

Castle closed his mouth over hers once more and drew her in. This fact did not surprise him at all, though it was nice to have the confirmation. Without even thinking he muttered out. "'s been a year for me, but I'm still holding it together—kinda."

She stopped kissing him. Her fingertips on the button of his pants froze in position and she looked up at him.

"What?"

"A year?" she asked, her voice quiet. A year. Castle hadn't had sex with anyone in a year. Meaning the last woman he'd been with was…Gina? But no, surely. She had been with Josh in that time and he had…oh god.

"Well yeah, because I was…." His voice drifted off as he feared his truthful response would break the rules for their evening. Instead, he took a step back from the bed and dropped his hands to his sides. As reality had just made an unwelcome visit to their room, he wanted to give her an out. "Do you want to stop? It's not too late to back out, Beckett."

She blinked at him. He had no way of knowing, but it was absolutely one hundred percent too late for her to back out. If she didn't have him then, in that exact moment, she was certain she would explode. She gave an almost imperceptible shake of her head before grabbing him onto the waist and pulling him back towards her.

Okay, he decided as her mouth fused with his once more. He'd given her an out and she hadn't taken it, which meant holding back was no longer a concept in his brain. His hands shot to the zipper on her dress and he pulled it open with one long swoop of his hand. She pulled the gray item off her shoulders and let it fall to her waist before shimmying her hips enough for it to drop the rest of the way. She stepped out of it and her heels before turning back to her companion. As he was occupied with pulling back the bedcovers, she figured she'd help him along by unhooking her bra and tossing it aside, which left her in just a black thong. When Castle turned towards her, his jaw dropped.

As though he'd discovered the world's rarest diamond, the writer reached out for her, his fingers skimming the now bare skin of her waist, lighting a fire at ever spot they touched. He brought his lips down to her throat and she let out an involuntary gasp when they began to suck ever so lightly at her pulse point. Without even thinking she sat down on the bed, pulling him right down with her.

Castle then began a trail of exploration down her throat and neck, across her collar bone and down the right side of her breast. He captured the peak between his lips and rolled his tongue over the tip causing her to buck her hips up and gasp out his name. Her fingertips clawed through the hair at the base of his neck as he continued his ministrations for several more moments before his tongue burned a path to the valley of her breasts. There, he stopped.

When he paused for an unexpected period of time, Kate opened her eyes and looked up at him. He was staring, fixated, though not at her breasts, but what was in between them: the still angry-red bullet wound scar; she swallowed hard.

Gently, Castle grazed his thumb over the spot. At her sharp breath, he adjusted his gaze to her face. "Does it hurt?"

"No."

"You're sure?"

"I'm fine, Castle." Though they both knew that was only a half truth.

Castle lowered his lips to the spot in question, pressing them against the raised flesh for several seconds. Then, he lifted his head and settled his body down so he was half on top of her. He skimmed his nose against the underside of her jaw before his lips met hers in what was their most intimate kiss to date. As his tongue glided into her mouth, she knew exactly what that kiss meant; it was the one he'd been waiting to give her ever since that fateful day in the cemetery.

The kiss was a beginning; a silent "I love you." The kiss was a promise that their night of passion together would not be singular, but the beginning of many more to come. The kiss was an assurance, a confirmation, that their lives would eventually be bound together indefinitely.

Finally breaking the connection of their lips, the writer moved his mouth to her jaw once more and began a southward trajectory on her body. He savored each destination more than the last; her collar bone, the hollow of her neck, each of her nipples.

After burning a trail down the center of her belly, Castle's lips finally reached the top edge of her only remaining item of clothing. Wasting no time whatsoever, he slipped his thumb beneath the waistband and pulled the thong from her body. Giving it a casual toss, he gazed down upon her. With her legs slightly parted he could see the glistening wetness on her skin and fought the urge to moan. To him, it felt like being at the precipice of heaven's gate.

He lowered himself in between her legs, pressing kisses up the inside of her right leg as his fingertips skimmed a similar path up the left. When they met at her center, he danced his fingertip across the sensitive flesh and grinned at the way she writhed and moaned beneath the slightest of touches. This was definitely going to be the most fun he had all night.

Lowering his face, he dragged her tongue the length of her, tasting her and breathing her in. Jesus, she was perfect. The way she whimpered and mewed only fueled his actions. He nipped and sucked and swirled his tongue across her sensitive nub until her body began to tremble and she cried out his name through her first orgasm of what he suspected would be many that evening.

Moving back up the bed, he placed one hand on either side of her shoulders and his knees astride her hips so that he could gaze down at her, nestled naked against the mattress looking completely sated. "I'll take your stunned silence as a compliment."

She laughed deeply and grabbed the front of his shirt, pulling him down into a sloppy kiss. Using her fingertips against his shoulders, she gave him a gentle push so he sat back on his heels. Sitting up with him she said, "You are wearing far too many clothes."

He aided her in removing his white button down, the t-shirt beneath, and his pants and shoes so all that remained were his boxers. She scooted to the edge of the bed so she could peel them down over his erection and he groaned as her fingertips brushed the sensitive underside. A naughty grin on her face, she wrapped one hand around his length and had her lips a mere inch from him when he stopped her.

"No, don't." When she arched a brow at him he continued, "If you do I'm gonna…"

With this simple statement she understood and slid back on the bed, allowing him to join her. Just as he was poised to settled down above her, she hooked a leg over his hip and used it as leverage to flip him on his back. Shooting him a playful smile, she positioned herself over his hips. He barely had the time to utter out, "Jesus Kate," before she'd sunk down on his length.

Using her palms flat against his chest as leverage she rolled her hips against his once and shut her eyes. Oh, yeah; this was definitely worth the wait. He only felt completely and entirely perfect inside her. She rolled her hips again and felt his hands settle at her hips. She slowly opened her eyes and gazed down to find his face looking as though his brain would explode at any moment. Despite herself, she let out a breathy laugh and dove forward to capture his lips in a kiss.

Their hips quickly found a rhythm rocking together. Kate leaned back to achieve a better angle, but Castle felt unsatisfied with their lack of skin to skin contact, so he sat up and pulled her close against his chest. Her legs slipped around his waist and she held him tight, her mouth pressed against his shoulder as he moved inside her. His grunts became louder and thrusting a bit more frantic until he buried himself deeply inside of her to reach his peak. This final action pushed her over the cliff one more time as well.

They held each other in that position, neither willing to move, for the better part of two minutes before Castle pulled back and placed a few soft kisses on her lips. She smiled at him and swung her leg around so she could climb off, though instead of settling in bed beside him, she stood and walked towards the door.

Almost stunned, Castle asked, "Does the pause button mean no cuddling?"

"No, it's freezing in here; I'm turning off the air," she said. After pressing a button on the wall thermostat, she approached the bed once more. The air conditioning fan died out leaving the room quieter than before.

"Here, let me warm you up," he said, opening his arms. She slid into them willingly. They took a few moments to arrange themselves, Castle lying on his back with the sheet pulled up just above his belly button. Beckett lay on her side, her head resting on his chest and her right arm draped across his belly. She closed her eyes and snuggled into the warmth of his body and listened as his heartrate slowed with his deepening relaxation.

They had been silent for several minutes before she asked gently, "What was your favorite part of the wedding?"

He 'hmm'ed and the reverberations in his chest tickled her ear. Biting her lip to avoid smiling too broadly, she skimmed her fingertips over his stomach as he answered. "When Ryan got choked up during his speech. Espo and I are going to tease him for weeks about that."

"Castle!" she groaned and poked at his belly with her index finger.

"What?"

"You shouldn't. It was sweet. Jenny's lucky to have someone who loves her that much."

Castle didn't respond, but oh did he want to. He wanted to let her all out—tell her that she's just as lucky because Ryan's love for Jenny displayed in his speech didn't hold a candle to his devotion to her. She was more than a muse; more than a partner. She was everything he never knew he needed and more than he ever could have dreamed of.

He couldn't outright tell her that he loved her. Not again. He may not have been fully aware of what was going on inside Kate Beckett's complicated yet beautiful head, but he knew that much. Plus, with the pause button in effect it was the wrong time. Still, he had to tell her something. If she stuck to their agreement, his confession would remain within the confines of that hotel room and he'd regret saying nothing of what he felt for her.

"I haven't had sex for a year because of you—because of how I felt about you."

The hand stroking his belly froze instantly. Her body tensed first the arms, then her torso until, finally, she rolled away from him, groaning in disgust. "Castle…"

"What?" he responded. If she was going to fight it, he was going to make her say it aloud.

She sat up, pulling the sheet with her. Propping her feet against the bed, she linked her arms around her knees and faced the opposite wall. "That's not what this night was supposed to be about. An escape remember?" After the words left her she looked down at him, scolding.

He pushed himself up to challenge her. "But you also said whatever happens tonight we're not going to talk about or analyze so if it's going to get erased from your memory anyway, then I need you to know that."

She rotated toward him and sat on her hip. The sheet fell away from her breasts, but she didn't seem to notice or care. "Stop. This isn't _Men in Black_ – my memory won't actually get erased."

Shaking his head gently, Castle began, "But you said-"

"I know what I said, but I just wanted to have sex with you." As the final words left her mouth, her voice dropped into a mumble. She hadn't meant to be quite that blunt, but he'd gotten her all riled up—and not in the good way.

His smile was slow and easy, refusing to be rattled by her protestations. "Flattering as that is, do you really think after all this time we could have sex and have it not mean anything?" Her gaze dipped to the mattress and she folded her arms to cover her breasts. Taking that as her answer, Castle lifted his right hand to brush back the curtain of hair that had fallen over her face. God, she was stunning like this. Naked and vulnerable. Her walls may not have been completely gone, but her defenses were as lowered as he'd ever seen them and, god help him, he had to try. "Kate I-"

"I know." Her voice was small, barely audible. She lifted her chin and he could see the wateriness in her green-brown eyes. His blue eyes searched her face for deeper meaning, but she continued before he'd figured it out. "I heard you. In the cemetery."

Oh. She had—Oh. If she heard him then she—Well. That was a plot twist the writer hadn't seen coming. Before any emotion other than confusion washed over him, she continued.

"I'm sorry I lied, but I was scared. I wasn't there yet. I…I didn't want to drag you down into my messy, emotional disaster of a life."

He should have been upset. He should have been angry—furious really. She'd lied to him for months—months! And it wasn't a little white lie about his haircut or a new blazer. She lied about the biggest, most fundamental moment in both their lives. Yet he wasn't angry—well, possibly a little bit—but he didn't feel angry in that moment. In that moment, he let out a breathy laugh. Her eyes widened at his reaction and he grinned, reaching out his hand to cup her cheek. "You know I would have come willingly."

She leaned back, forcing his hand to flop down against the mattress. "Yes, but that wouldn't have been fair to you. I…I wanted to wait until I was in a place where…where telling you how I felt didn't terrify me."

Castle's brow began to knit together as her words processed. Did she—did that mean that she—was it possible…? Her gaze burned into his, terrified yet clearer than he'd ever seen it. This was Kate Beckett and he knew her. He knew how she put up walls and lined them with barbed wire. She kept her emotions close and almost never showed her hand. But there, in a Manhattan hotel room, she bared all to him—him, her partner. She didn't hide from his confession for lack of reciprocation, but for the knowledge that he was all in and she wanted to be too. In that moment, he fell in love with her all over again.

Scooting closer to her on the bed, Castle used his fingertips below her chin to tilt her head up. He closed his mouth over hers, simple and sweet. Pulling back, his heavy-lidded gaze caused her skin to flush. "Does this scare you?" he asked quietly. She responded with a nod. "Why?"

She shook her head, almost afraid to answer. No pretenses existed anymore. She wasn't hiding in a relationship with another man—she didn't want to. How could she? After she'd had a taste of him, no man on the planet could ever compare. Yet, if something happened—if _she_ screwed it up somehow with her fears, her anxiety—her heart would be irreparably broken. That make-or-break point was coming, though; whether she was ready or not. "Because it makes it real," she whispered back.

He cupped her face with his and spoke with his mouth against hers. "It was always real, Kate." With that, he pulled her into a deep kiss and pushed her back against the mattress.

Round two was slower, less rushed. She let Castle take the lead and he did so happily, never releasing her from his arms until they'd both reached their peak. With a sloppy arm, he reached up and turned off the bedside lamp, flooding the room in darkness. He snagged her waist and pulled her body against his, never even considering that the "pause button" wouldn't be released until morning—if it let up at all.

* * *

Castle awoke to the sound of shuffling and the distinct sound of a zipper. His brain foggy with sleep, he blinked over at the red illuminated clock on the nightstand to see it was just past one in the morning, meaning he'd only dozed for about forty minutes. He lay still as the rustling continued, his brain processing the sounds he heard. She was redressing; she was leaving.

The pause button. It's what he'd agreed to—what they'd agreed to, but god it didn't feel right. Not after they'd talked. Not after what had been said by both of them. He'd waited long enough for her and if she asked him he'd wait longer—he loved her too much not to. She still needed some time and that was ok with him, but he knew in his heart they were better together. That he could help her. He didn't care how many weeks or months it took; he just wanted her.

"I want more."

The words left his lips just as her hand closed around the door handle. As she was already intent on the movement, her wrist followed through and the door opened allowing the light from the hallway to spill into the room. Kate's feet did not move towards the exit, but her body also did not turn to face the bed.

"I heard what you said," Castle continued, "and I agreed so if you walk out that door I won't hold it against you, but I want more. I want us to work together to get you to that place because…together we can figure anything out."

For sixty seconds, neither of the moved. Castle remained half propped up in the bed, his chest tight with the breath he held, and Kate stayed a statue by the door. Because of the room layout, Castle could not clearly see the door; with the odd light filtering in he could only see the tip of her elbow but he stared it down, waiting for any sort of movement.

Finally, ninety seconds after his final syllable the door closed. The room sank into darkness once more—a silent darkness. Letting out a disappointed breath, Castle flopped back against the pillow. He brought his hands up to rub his face and then card into his hair. He'd tried—at least he'd tried. She knew exactly how he felt but yet she wasn't ready.

Perhaps, he thought hopefully, she was just afraid. Their night had been…well, wonderful, but possibly too much for her. Possibly she needed a night—a few days even—to think about it and come to the realization that—

Wait. Was that-? It sounded like shoes dropping to the floor. And feet padding across the carpet? What—

Castle's thoughts were interrupted by the mattress sinking down with the weight of another human. Slender fingers skimmed up his torso as they mapped the outline of his body. A head landed against his chest and Castle's arm automatically dropped around the woman's frame (which, to his slight disappointment, was clothed.)

"Kate?"

She squeezed her hand against his side and pulled her body tighter into his. "I want more too."

* * *

 _Thanks for reading!_


End file.
